So, I would like to tell you about my adventures today. I would also like to suggest getting comfy for this heart pouring drama may be intense and long. Just sayin’. Let me set the scene for you. Yesterday I was asked/volunteered willing to participate in our local school's Fall Festival. In fact I have been wanting to do just that for several years, it's just that, that weekend is usually booked as this year it was too, but I figured if I don’t just go for it I will never do it.
So, having the day off, I thought I would take a road trip to Bemidji and look for pieces of clothing and accessories to make up a costume. Well, I first stopped at Target and nothing caught my eye, so on to the mall I went. Once arriving at the mall, I stopped at a kiosk that was selling Halloween costumes and props. I noticed a South Seas Siren costume that I could make work if I would add fabric and some other stuff. Okay, so I purchased it but I should tell you that before I did I checked Kmart and Joann Fabrics. So, back to Joann Fabrics I went. I figured if I bought some fabric and some gold coins that would make my costume look so much better. Okay, whatever. But looking back now this is where it all started. You see, when I went to have the lady cut the cord with the coins on it, I about died when she told me how much it would cost. Okay lady, I think I don’t want them. Well, she proceeded to tell me that the coins really made my costume and that I should really reconsider. In fact, she offered me a special coupon. By signing for their mailing I would receive a 50% off coupon for signing up. Wow, I thought that was a good deal. Wrong! Considering everyone else had one, including myself. In fact, I had one already in my hot little hand. Well, I thought she was giving me an additional coupon, but no. Okay, so whatever. Yes, I did go home with the coins. In line to check-out the lady in front of was returning fabric. While she was waiting for the lady in front of her to finish, the manager came over and discussed her return with her. So, once this lady gets up there, she tells the cashier that she is returning her fabric and a zipper. Oh boy, this was really a sign. Okay, so the cashier tells her that they are not taking returns on fabric any longer, but the customer tells her that the manager okayed it. So off went the cashier. She then proceeds to start yelling at the manager. Yes, loud enough for everyone to hear it. So the cashier comes back and starts typing numbers into the cash register. While typing, she starts yelling at the customer. Oh boy, this is were I removed myself and went to the next register. I can kinda understand why the cashier was upset, but the yelling was not necessary. I guess they had a meeting that morning and decided that they will not be doing anymore returns of cut fabric. No excuses, no matter what. Are you following me, yep then the manager let this lady return hers. Whoops. Can you say awkward? I got the heck out of there.
Well, I was really craving Subway, so I thought I would swing into Wal-Mart and kill two birds with one stone. I had some stuff to pickup to go with my costume and they have a Subway so it sounded perfect. Well this could/should have been another sign. The young guy waiting on me decided to start throwing knives around. Yep, you heard me correct. Knives! Okay people, I should have not walked out, but I should have ran out. Nope not me. I wanted that darn sub that I was salivating over. Okay, so he must not have done much damage, because I’m alive to tell you about my moments of a day from you know where. So, I decide that he is just trying to show off. Yes, absolutely I’m really impressed. Just give me my damn sub, so I can eat. In the mean time, he proceeded to tell me that he is dressing up as a scary clown and that he signed on with the guards and he is going to Iraq. Okay, good luck guy. Just give me my sandwich, already. Please! Once I finally got my sub, I sat down to enjoy every morsel. I started listening around me and noticed that the other three parties in Subway didn’t speak English. In fact all three parties spoke a different language. I felt like the Twilight Zone had struck Bemidji, Minnesota.
Well, I hope you are still reading because this is really where the story gets good. LOL
So, I grabbed my goodies I needed and off to the cash registers I went. Like usual they had a ton of people waiting in line and like three cashiers. So I picked a register and before I can turn around and pick a different one this really big lady (yes, bigger than me) rolls up with three colorful children. One was screaming its blasted head off, one was picking her nose and wiping it on everything and I’m not exactly sure what the other one was doing. I’m thinking maybe behaving himself because nothing stands out in my mind. Well the lady in front of me was buying some plants of some sort. I’m not exactly sure why she was buying them because they were pretty much dead. I think Wal-Mart should have paid her to take them off their hands, but that’s whatever. So she was politely telling the cashier that they were on clearance for five dollars, but of course they were not ringing up correctly. So they are discussing things over. Well, I only have three things that I’m getting and so I’m just holding the stuff. So I look behind me in between the screams of the sobbing, bratty child and noticed that the lady behind me was filling her pockets full of that little crap that is at the cash registers. So have any guesses as to what happens next???? Come on you can guess. Ah, she busts me. She glares at me like she is going to kill me. This is when I noticed that she has a huge bruise on her check and claw marks all the way down her check and forehead. Friends this is when I really wanted to get the hell out of Dodge, but that’s when we, I mean all of Wal-Mart heard a little girl screaming like she is dying. I think I tinkled just a little at that moment. I’m not sure. Okay, remember her little girl smearing boogers all over the place, well she decided to smear them on the conveyor belt thing that brings your goods to the cashier and she got her finger(s) and some of her hair stuck where the belt comes out. OUCH!! So, people I’m not kidding I thought I was being killed when the little girl screamed and that’s when I’m not kidding I honestly did….I threw up all over everywhere. I know, gross huh? That’s what happens when to much commotion is going on around you, oh and not to mention when you think someone is killing you. Well Wal-Mart wanted me to stay and fill out a report, but I was like I’m sorry, but I just threw up all over my bad self and you can imagine what that looked like. Remember I just got done eating Subway. So I left. I’m sorry, this may have been the wrong thing to do, but I was not going to be the victim of that crazy stealing woman. No way was she going to get my personal information. I’m not exactly sure what extent of injuries the little girl suffered if any. I just know that she is alive, which is a good thing.
Okay, so are ready for more? Yes, friends there is more. I know. You are probably thinking how can there be more. Well, there just is. So, leaving Bemidji I noticed that my window on the passenger side was having issues. Sometimes when the window gets rolled down it does not go back up correctly and it whistles like a tea kettle. Annoying! So, I figured I would try rolling it down and putting in back up. In the past this has fixed the problem. In the mean time the air pressure my Subway bag blew out my window. Sh**! I hate littering, obviously I did not intentionally want this to happen. Well so what do you think happened next? Yes, there just happened to be a state trooper behind me. You guessed it, I got pulled over. So, when the nice man came to my window and asked for my license, we had a little talk. I proceeded to tell him about my misfortune I encountered today. He actually knew what I was talking about because he heard it over the scanner. He was on his way there when he was called to a different location. Considering the events I had gone through he was extremely nice and didn’t give me a ticket. Thank you nice trooper man. He just had me promise that I would clean a section of ditch within a year’s time. I’m willing to do so and I will. Much better than a $600 fine.
After dealing with that and thinking all I want to do is get home and try my stuff on and be done with today’s excitement. When all of a sudden I get pulled over again. Now what! It was not even five minutes from my last pull over……grrrrr! This time it was a highway patrol man. He was wanting to know why I was flashing him down. Flashing you down? What? Oh, hell I forgot to put my lights on. You see my lights flicker, because they have a short in them. You see with all of today’s excitement I forgot to turn them on. Once again I told my story. Thinking this is it. I know for sure that I will be getting a ticket this time. He also knew about the excitement at Wal-Mart. Good news. I was lucky again. He did not give me a ticket. Again I was told that I had task to do. He told me to have my lights fixed, so maybe, just maybe they will get fixed this time. My poor car sounds like it has just as many problems as its owner.
So, all in all today was an adventure. I have to say that if nothing ever happens like this to me again, that it just fine. My nephew Riley told me just the other day that I should consider writing a book. Well Riley, I think I just added another chapter. =)
Thanks for listening!